Internet Hate Machine

Chris Kennett and Bec Petraitis

FACT: the Internet is a terrible place, populated by awful, awful people and memes. Join Chris and Bec as they commit themselves to dissecting the rolling horror of online culture and events on a semi-regular basis.



EP 45 In The Memetime

Welcome to the new Internet Hate Machine expanded universe! We explain where we've been, talk banning memes and share two nice things. Further information on those important memes • Gabriel Gundacker's 'zendaya Is meechee': • Yuki the seal: • Bongo Cat: Credits • New theme by Evan Munro-Smith • Fresh graphics by Peader Thomas • Short clip of music from 'The Price Is Right Ending Credits' (YouTube) Hate us on social media! • Facebook: • Twitter:


EP 44 Hairdryer chicken is cancelled, everyone

The Hate Machine is going on a bit of a break after this episode but we'll be back soon! Before then, Bec and Chris talk through their fave times tables, if it's time to delete your Facebook, why you probably shouldn't change your name to Dr Spectre, never hearing annoying sites ever again and all the hot air surrounding hairdryer chicken. Hate us on social media! • Facebook: • Twitter: The track Bossa Nova by Simon Mathewson is licensed under a Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike License.


EP 43 Accountability without endorsement

A zippy little pod this week as Bec makes her way through a maxi popcorn chicken, Chris craves the ability to switch between Twitter accounts, we talk tweetdecking (apologies for the loose definition), verification, the only words you should be able to say on Twitter, we offer up not the Bitcoin report, discuss WiFi mouse traps and plan a night out on Airtasker! Hate us on social media! • Facebook: • Twitter:


EP 42 Deeply Disappointing and Irrelevant

This week Chris and Bec create an audio minefield of horrors for you to try and get through! Clicking! Gross feet! Big eggs! Steamed hams! Russian propoganda propoganda! NEXT!!! Here's the link to the expertly crafted 'Steamed Clams Inc.' by NPCarlsson: Hate us on social media! • Facebook: • Twitter:


EP 41 The Worst Political Outrage in Australian History

This week Bec and Chris finally give the people what they want with their Board Game Corner™, discuss the PM's internet, Facebook recognition, Google deleting your account, you deleting your Vero account and we bring you another lewd worst take. Apologies again for the lateness on this one, we're going to try to get back to your regularly scheduled podcast uploading soon. Hate us on social media! • Facebook: • Twitter:


EP 40 Internet Wholesome Machine with Vaya Pashos

Neighbuzz host Vaya Pashos joins us for our big 4-0! We talk tumbling around in Tumblr, hear the most wholesome internet entrance ever, what it's like to win podcast awards, why Kony ruined everything, ask if you're feeling lucky greenie punks, discuss spiders, Fergie, bitcoin again for some reason and we give you both a faith-based worst take and a wintery best one. Apologies for the late delivery on this episode, you know how it is. Love Vaya on social media! • • • Hate us on social media! • •


EP 39 The Phast and the Phurious

COME ON, GUYS. IT'S TIME TO PHAST. We teach you how to see the world beyond your phone, mention the name 'Logan Paul' for the last time, possibly give a bad explanation of Discord, Bec speaks earnestly about Facebook killing comedy, Chris reveals why he's unemployable and we give you a wide range of beautiful and unique takes. Hate us on social media! • Facebok: • Twitter:


EP 38 Bug out

Please, bring your bug spray, this episode is hella bugged. We talk shitty,shitty free wi-fi, the fake news media, non-existent lady Doritos, video stores disappearing, Facebook disappearing, Bitcoin disappearing and we bring you an R rated worst take that unfortunately doesn't disappear. Hate us on social media! • Facebok: • Twitter:


EP 37 Hate-tato

Look, I'm just going to shout the contents of this episode at you: POISON POTATOES! NIGHTMARE FUEL! WII SHOP MUSIC (IT'S ACTUALLY THE MII CHANNEL MUSIC, SORRY)! LOGAN PAUL AGAIN FOR SOME REASON! FERRY MCFERRYFACE! THE SHORTYS! A TERRIBLE APP! DEEPFAKE! THE BEC-COIN REPORT! WORST TAKE! SHOWER RAT! THANK-YOU FOR READING! If you're ever in crisis and need someone to talk to, there are a lot of helplines there to listen. You can find a number in your area here: Hate us on social media! • Facebok: • Twitter:


EP 36 The Tide Pod Lolly Bag Challenge

Chris and Bec talk distracting things, racist memes, whether the changing of a certain date is on the horizon, why you shouldn't trademark social justice movements, the cursed Bitcoin Report returns, we work through some Facebook themed worst takes and then chow down on some 'Tide Pods' thought nuggets. Hate us on social media! • Facebok: • Twitter:


EP 35 Twenty Hate Teen

The hate machine roars to life for another glorious year of internet trash. Meet the new Chris in the new year, we sing the Ballad of Logan Paul, find out why Milkshake Duck is the word, slowly edge towards becoming a Pixelated Boat recap podcast, sit around during Snapchat story time, plus regular excellent segments the Bitcoin Report and Worst Take return! If you're ever in crisis and need someone to talk to, there are a lot of helplines there to listen. You can find a number in your area here: Hate us on social media! • Facebok: • Twitter:


EP 34 Miracle on Rule 34th Street

Grab your festive pitchfork and shake it the tune of an eternally looping Jingle Bells remix - it's the last IHM of 2017! We celebrate Twitter Purgemas, the Pope, fixing Facebook with more Facebook, Net Neutrality, YouTube 2017, Bitcoin again for some reason, a yuletide worst take and we conclude with a small breakdown over Christmas lights. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 33 Hot take generator

Get your hate hat on and your hate shoes, it's time to hop into the machine again! We bring you the very latest information on bitcoin, wrap-up the best thing to happen on the internet this year, join the Cat Person commentary, discuss the vortex of social media licensing, bring you some primo worst takes and talk Wikipedia guilt trips. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 32 Basically a Wagon Wheel

Hello haters! (is that what we call you? Sorry if you hate it but at the same time that fits) This week we weather the storm of social media reactions, find a potential explanation for Donald Trump's Twitter and question the motivations behind a very bad worst take. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 31 Bird is the word!

A short pod is a good pod and a short bird pod is the greatest pod of all! We revel in the horror of someone calling you on Facebook Messenger and our two hosts clash over the Australian #BirdOfTheYear. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 30 Internet Hate Planet

For our big 3-0 we are graced by the presence of internet celebrity and excellent human Mr. Nick Mason! We discuss podcast making, slow listening, whether there are just too many darn comic book adaptations, internet criticism, reveal who we are shills for, talk Twitter's ever expanding character count, Facebook asking for nudes pls, scooping up tweets and we bring you the worst take on a great day. Love Maso on social media! • • • Hate us on social media! • •


EP 29 Spoopy

Try and use your Super Mario Odyssey brain to listen to IHM EP 29! We take a walk through the complexities of New Donk City, discuss how we all know the Lube Mobile Kid (don't @ us), find out some Spoopy Twitter names, provide clarifying statements, revel in the horrors of social media managing and Chris provides some truly horrible worst takes. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 28 The End of the Age of the Edgelord with Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall

One of the Two in the Think Tank Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall joins us in the Hate Machine this week as we bring you the very latest in internet bullshit! Al reveals his secret hacker identity, explains why he lists everything, we ask if it’s the end of edgelords, find out what Reddit wants, kick the fibre to the curb, discuss our YouTube Red dreams, talk teens and let you in on a male secret. Love Alasdair on social media! • • • Hate us on social media! • •


EP 27 Take My Wi-Fi, Please

Chris and Bec give you the top secret instructions on how to join Twitter's unverified club, explain why Wi-Fi getting hacked is good for the children and discuss the effects of the #MeToo campaign. (In case you want to avoid it: discussion of sexual harassment between 15:24 and 21:06) Hate us on social media! • •


EP 26 Sauce Code

Bec and Chris try to spread #DemPosVibes, talk mainlining Neighbours, shout-out to some hard working internet weirdos, respect the online contact forms, find the sauce of this week's stupidity and provide a particularly dank worst take. Listen to us on Neighbuzz here: Hate us on social media! • •


EP 25 There's no deeper memeing here

Chris and Bec luxuriate in the space provided by Twitter's 280 character limit, discuss the worst internet defence, create the long-awaited rival to GoFundMe, bring you one nice thing and then delve into a quick worst take! Hate us on social media! • •


EP 24 Podcast for the 65.8 million

Join us as we pop another unverritfiable load through the machine! Chris and Bec talk all things Chatswood post office, the joys of google news alerts, attempt to explain Verrit, remember 'Leave Britney Alone' and two terrible people face off for the worst take of the week. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 23 Peak Anger

Grab a handful of chips and chow down on IHM 23! This week we talk about the 7/11 spammers, ask if you've been pwned, discuss the idea of paying for your memories, KFC sponsored tweets, Facebook's slipping community standards, Twitter's protection of mosquitoes, hear the worst take and TEETH TEETH TEETH. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 22A Password Jesus

Time for some hateration, holleration in this dancerie that we've called IHM episode 22A. We mourn the loss of America, pray to Password Jesus, ask how many is too many in Facebook limbo, race to 1000, tweet at the PM and find out how you know you're living in 2006 when... Hate us on social media! • •


EP 21 Remembering the Mooch

In this very recently recorded, now slightly outdated episode of IHM we look back on The Mooch, Trump declaring war on Twitter, Twitter declaring war on success, Lady Doctor, Coffee dad and parents using gifs. Hate us on social media! • •


EP 20 Socialist Hate Machine with Lucy Valentine

We continue our long-running tradition of having a guest on every ten eps as internet denizen Lucy Valentine drops in! Lucy helps us navigate socialism, Neopets, respecting women, HanAssholeSolo, new Twitter, old Latham and we set out on the easy quest of fixing satire. Find Lucy on the Twitters • Hate us on social media! • •


EP 19 Share if you agree

Alright alright alright! This week Chris and Bec sort of tell you how to become an Instagram celebrity, praise the almighty leader of the opposition Bill Shareten, give you the latest stock tips on the meme economy, react to pride and then talk about a few other things before the podcast is over so we can get back to new Twitter. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 18 Someone call the Twitter Police

This week in the hatrednator we talk greasy keyboards, this new social media influencer called Smonald Nump (or something like that?), police social media, outsourcing subtweeting, Spongebob chickens, tentacle porn excuses and garbage voice control. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 17 Hot take it or Leavitt

Less hate this week and more somber seething as Chris and Bec talk about horrible tweets following tragedies, horrible names for companies, excellent Amazon Echo features and horrible amounts of tabs. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 16 Are you with it and is it fire?

With fire in their tired bellies Bec and Chris are ready to put the 'hate' back into IHM Enterprises! This week in the firing line: Twitter Moments, that weird clapping emoji conversation thing, teen angst, Twitch, Snapchat Spectacles, meme funerals and being generally out of the loop. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 15 Maybe you shouldn't make your event into a meme?

Bec and Chris make their triumphant return! Want to catch up on all the horrible things that have happened on the net over the last few weeks? WHY?! But also, this is the podcast for you, I guess. Topics: Facebook Live deaths, open source social media, #Banzac and the glory of the Fyre Festival. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 14 How do we keep kids off the internet?

Your humble hosts try to deploy Bec's dad to give everyone a break from the internet while discussing how to improve on the death of Club Penguin, making the internet safe 4 kidz, avoiding regrettable digital footprints and providing answers to some of the internet's pressing questions. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 13 Maybe we should restrict all of YouTube?

In this super hot installment we talk the fall of CAPTCHA, the rise of YouTube's restricted mode, we head on over to Chris' Internet Philosophy Corner, discuss the greater implications of The Big Chicken, analyse the shift in meme culture and predict some future outrage. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 12 O Switch, how taste thou?

Bec and Chris tussle with the lure of a new Nintendo console as they analyse its delicious effects on the internet. The duo also investigate the tiring Zoom In meme, the mysterious letters of Patreon and explain why you should stop Haha-ing things on Facebook. We all know you're not really Haha-ing. I'm watching you, bucko. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 11 Maybe we should remember the good old days?

After last episode's diversion, Bec and Chris are well and truly back to stupid, terrible reality as they talk reviving the Nokia 3310, remember MySpace, loathe LinkedIn, crash the meme economy and try to remember what happened a whole year ago. Hate us on social media! | | |


EP 10 Maybe we should talk to Waleed Aly about social media?

It's our first episode of 2017 and, as is tradition every 10 episodes here at IHM enterprises, we bring in a special guest to reflect upon the sorry state of affairs that is the internet! Waleed Aly joins us explaining why he isn't on social media, his rules of online engagement, the complexities behind nazi punching and the moral quandary that is the Eatnow review system. Hate us on social media! | | | (as is also tradition Bec's mic was very broken and she has tried to fix it up. Please forgive her or she won't stop typing in third person and you wouldn't wish that on anyone, would you? Please save her with absolution.)


EP 9 Maybe you shouldn't Google anything?

In which Bec and Chris troubleshoot the podcast, Dr Google, Airbnb racism, Vine and man cards. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 8 Maybe we shouldn't record two of these in a row?

In which Bec and Chris give you a bonus episode where they question reality, social media, online food delivery and Cheetos. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 7 Maybe you shouldn't pay for anything?

In which Chris delivers his hot take on email attachments, Bec continues to be sad about her Note 7 (but not as sad as she is now typing this description knowing she'll never have one), we talk 4chan not making money, Winrar not making money, Presto not making money, Facebook trying to make money and Vanilla Ice VS Hurricane Matthew. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 6 Maybe you should give up and buy an iPhone?

In which Chris asks Bec why she hates the new iPhone, we talk Twitter VS Snapchat and try to help people with their internet queries. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 5 Maybe nothing is happening on the internet?

In which Chris is an Edgelord, Bec is distracted by Mr Robot, Harambe fails to die & we all wait for the disapproval of Mark Di Stefano. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 4 Maybe we shouldn't argue?

In which Bec and Chris reveal their first email addresses, declare fighting on the internet pointless and ask if this is fine, dog. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 3 Maybe Pokémon GO is a bad thing?

In which Bec and Chris guzzle Red Bull and ask if it's safe for the geeks to go out on the streets again. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 2 Maybe we don't need Facebook?

In which Bec and Chris discuss why Facebook Live sucks and dick windmilling blows. | Hate us on social media! | |


EP 1 Maybe you shouldn't be who you are?

In which Bec and Chris wonder what happened to CD-ROMs, why is a thing and discover when your meme is dank. | Hate us on social media! | |